I can't sleep and I'm lonely.
In my mind, I am "vision boarding" the love that I wish I had.
My last relationship was probably the best one that I had, but there was something off about it. My chronic pain started in earnest about a week before she and I met. This put her into nurture mode (which was awesome) and since we didn't know what was going on with my body or how long it would last, we both assumed that the nurturing wouldn't have to last forever and eventually I'd be able to repay the favor and take care of her as well.
But for a year I remained depressed and in pain. I know now that these things will be with me for the rest of my life. Managed but never cured.
I mention this because I don't really think I want someone to take care of me�though I do love back rubs when I hurt and being held when I cry�but I also want someone equal to me.
I want us to be able to take care of each other, sure. To stay awake when the other can't sleep and watch "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" or something, but what I am really after is a counterpart.
I want a girl that is smarter than me. That challenges me and gives me new perspectives.
I want a girl that I have to prove myself worthy of.
That enjoys my jokes and makes me laugh and embraces both sides of my personality.
I don't know, man. I feel like everything is about to change.
Maybe she is just around the corner.
5:23 a.m. - 2012-10-05
Recent entries:
Awake in My Tiny Cage - 2014-11-03
God. - 2014-10-27
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