for the past month- maybe even two- i have been dating this wonderful girl.
i think she is going to break up with me tonight.
today, i am seeing all of my life as the ugly checkered pattern that it is.
i just keep following the bright orange and green lines as they move along the fabric of time.
tonight, i will be told, again, that i am selfish and too detached from anyone else to be in a relationship.
i will be told that i am too distant and closed off.
i will be told that i am moody.
(eggshells always seem to be mentioned.
apparently they are hard to walk on.)
tonight, i will probably tear up and say that i am sorry,
that i am trying,
but it's just the way i am.
it's how i've always been.
my mother loves to tell the story of how when i was young, i would hate to be held.
i would cry and cry until she would put me down on my blanket; leaving me alone.
my girlfriend does not care for that story.
she says it hurts her when i want to be alone, when i wont share my thoughts, when my mind is somewhere else.
it hurts me too.
i unintentionally hurt people all the time.
this entry is going nowhere.
just like so many things today, it sits and waits for me to change
2:20 p.m. - 2006-08-25
Recent entries:
Awake in My Tiny Cage - 2014-11-03
God. - 2014-10-27
I remember me. - 2014-10-17
The Paper - 2014-10-13
A Post About Not Doing Anything - 2014-10-12
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