further self revelation came to me tonight as a result of an argument with my roomate.
what the argument was about is not important, what is important is that my roomate is one of those people who gets really quiet when he is angry, leaving one to figure out for himself the reasons as to why the other is angry.
this has left me with a good deal of contemplation time.
for as long as i can remember people have percieved me as being one who just doesnt care.
dont care about other's feelings
dont care about what needs to be done
dont care about all the things that have been given to me
dont care about all the people that love me
dont care about my future
etc...
i am starting to think that maybe this perception is true.
sure would explain alot about where i am presently.
twenty three, no college education,
no close relationships,
given up on God because it seemed to hard,
given up on life
or at least thats how it seems right now.
maybe i should go to college
maybe i should go back to the ministry
or maybe i should move again. start fresh somewhere new.
i dont know.
i wish i could be talking to someone about all of this, instead of just writing it all down.
but for some reason i am unable to.
i wish i had answers to at least some of my questions.
i wish that my words didnt run away when i started praying.
i wish i could just find the door, any way out, of this well i seem to be trapped in.
8:27 p.m. - 2004-08-03
Recent entries:
Awake in My Tiny Cage - 2014-11-03
God. - 2014-10-27
I remember me. - 2014-10-17
The Paper - 2014-10-13
A Post About Not Doing Anything - 2014-10-12
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