i look and feel like i'm hungover, though i havent drank anything in weeks.
i havent showered or shaved in four days.
the sheets on my bed have become a tangled knot, they barely cover me as i sleep.
the floor to my room is covered with books, dirty clothes, random pieces of childhood nostalgia, and cds.
the table i refer to as my desk (though i have never used it as such) matches the floor, adorned with the same coverings.
its been a month since i have seen a vegetable, two since i have eaten one.
if i were to describe my life right now using only one word, i would say that it was discordant.
outside of work, i dont do anything of meaning.
i only work twenty hours a week.
i spend most of my day, pretending that i am famous; trying to decide who i will allow to interview me first, and if i should be a best selling author before or after i become an acclaimed director.
i have done nothing to acheive either goal.
i think its safe to say that i have delusions of granduer.
though its hard to know for sure.
only time will tell.
if i become famous, this time will be known as my period of unquestioning ambition.
if i still work at starbucks when i am fifty, i will refer to this period as the time when i kept my head up my butt, and wasted my youth away.
i never want to use the words "wasted" and "youth" in the context of my own life.
i constantly tell myself that from this point on, i am going to live life to the fullest.
become disciplined in my art.
bold in my choices.
daring in love,
and unrelenting in my passions.
but now, i am not sure if that is something that someone can just decide.
and how do you know if you really are living life to its fullest anyways?
its all a matter of retrospect and context.
maybe a matter of goals and ambition as well.
all i know is that i cant let today go by without accomplishment.
which is why i am going to at least clean my room.
9:23 a.m. - 2004-04-13
Recent entries:
Awake in My Tiny Cage - 2014-11-03
God. - 2014-10-27
I remember me. - 2014-10-17
The Paper - 2014-10-13
A Post About Not Doing Anything - 2014-10-12
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