last night i went to church and then left early
wasnt feeling church so much
didnt see anyone i knew there
i think bon-fires are ghey.
so instead i went to see "sylvia" which is a movie about the poet sylvia plath.
it was tragically beautiful.
i ended up crying through a majority of it.
but not for her, or the movie
but for how it reminded me of how i am when noone else is around.
it revealed my secret me on a giant screen in a darkened room full of happy couples and groups of friends.
i felt pathetic
i always feel pathetic when i cry (even more so when i write about when i cry)
sometimes i feel so lonely that it causes physical pain.
sometimes my depression is an unbearable burden on my mind.
most of those times i feel that it doesnt matter
that my pain is irrelevant.
that there is no solution, no help on the way.
thats when those thoughts and feelings give way to numbness
thats when i turn up my car stereo.
thats when i feel the most alive.
pain speaks of reality, while pleasure just seems to be faking it.
but when the morning comes, and everything seems like a dream
i am content
and full of peace
ready to take on another day
and fall into either pleasure or pain once again
6:44 p.m. - 2003-11-03
Recent entries:
Awake in My Tiny Cage - 2014-11-03
God. - 2014-10-27
I remember me. - 2014-10-17
The Paper - 2014-10-13
A Post About Not Doing Anything - 2014-10-12
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
i-lost-sarah
aryssa90
newschick
stardumb
hexes
gonzoprophet
meffinmisfit
cybers1ut
the-grey-one
movingsands
dangerspouse
unowhatilike
silverluna
elusive-you
tobehis
kenny-loo
brothasistas
my-rant
is-life
godsintimate
ruby--sky
creme-egg
darkly-blue
reevo
similar
dooki
dagkyo
obijuan
buddyboy5
u2october
nudeplatypus
mojo1915
baby--girl
cindylou03
alwaysinhim
greenstar7
krunkjazz
dudemanflab
spittingame