HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAUL!
whew, now that i got that out of the way...
as i have mentioned before (or maybe i havent mentioned this) i have some troubles "opening up" to most people.
but sometimes i really do try.
a good example is my cell group.
now, for you who dont go to my we-dont-like-normal-words-so-we-make-up-new-ones church a cell group is basically a bible study, or as others call it a home fellowship.
this bible study is surmised of about five to eight young males. most of them single and fresh out of college.
the idea of the bible study is to create a laid back and casual atmosphere enabling us to share more comfortably (sp?)
up until this evening i have "shared" one time in my year of attendance.
here is why
much like what you see on the discovery channell our group is dominated by a few alpha males who are emblazoned in a constant battle for conversational superiority.
while us weaker, meeker specimens cant get a word in edge wise.
as you could guess this is a small bit of frustration to me.
this inability to cut in to the conversation coupled with one group members incessant smacking makes the bible study have little or no devotional effect on yours truly.
ah, but tonight, as you may have guessed, was different.
tonight i spoke up
tonight i shared
something quite personal i may add.
i spoke about my current relationship with my father and how as a young child i felt that he had more concern with the church than he did me. (i later touched on how we are now attempting to bridge the gap)
the reaction i recieved was actually pretty close to what i expected.
what many of us in these situations have grown to expect
the reaction i got was something like:
"yeah, well you should feel lucky, at least you got a dad"
ah, the alpha male.
always has to have the most tragic tale.
now, dont get my wrong, i am not belittling his pain. what he went through was tough and almost unimaginable to me.
my point is that his pain does not make mine null and void.
what possibly could have been a "breakthrough" for me ending up being another rant session for him.
but somehow i dont feel too bad about this.
perhaps i am learning that its not all about me
perhaps i am gaining some maturity
or perhaps its a much more witty reason than what i can presently think up
11:08 p.m. - 2003-09-29
Recent entries:
Awake in My Tiny Cage - 2014-11-03
God. - 2014-10-27
I remember me. - 2014-10-17
The Paper - 2014-10-13
A Post About Not Doing Anything - 2014-10-12
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