if the old addage "you are what you eat" is true, then canniballs are the most humane and it makes perfect sense why i eat so much chicken.
this last week my mother sat me down and gave me an oral history of the younger me.
one thing that became apparent is that i am afraid of almost everything.
since the second grade i have been afraid of authority figures
my second grade teacher was verbally abusive to the physically weaker students, on account of his true passion for teaching high school gym, and i was the weakest of the class, or as he put it "the biggest baby i've ever seen"
i have always been afraid of my father.
afraid of rejection.
afraid of being bullied.
these fears have made me afraid to interact, open up, trust anyone, try new things, etc.
i am tired of being afraid.
tired of holding back
keeping to myself
being ignored.
things need to change
but i dont know what to do.
and if i did, i'd probably be too afraid to do it.
2:26 p.m. - 2003-09-26
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