first, two things about me
1. i have a habit of letting people think the wrong thing about me
2. i am very influenced by the power of suggestion
that said, i must now "come out" and say this:
i am not gay.
("not that there is anything wrong with it"-jerry seinfeild)
the reason i bring up my non gay-ness is because of a few conversations i have had.
one with my mother who was quite concerned with the fact that i move my hands in a certain fashion when i talk, as well as the fact that i never dated any of the girls of my teenhood youth group.
the second conversation happened this last week. during a supposed counseling/advice/mentoring session.
it came about like this, we were discussing my recent struggles and discontent with ministry and christianity in general and out of nowhere he says this:
"i have a feeling that those feelings of discouragement have led you to go certain places and think certain things that you shouldnt"
i agreed.
i thought he was talking about good old fashioned lust, which admittingly i am guilty of.
"how deep are you?" he asked
"pretty deep" i responded oblivious to what he was talking about.
it wasnt until a few minutes later when he actually used the term "homosexual" that i realized he thought i was gay.
now, in his defense there are a lot of signs that would indicate his presumption as correct.
i am thin
i dont like sports
i do like musicals
i never burp in public
i have never had a girlfriend
i am interested in interior design
and i love watching makeover shows.
so looking from an ignorant sterotypical standpoint you cant blame him for thinking me queer.
(especially when i unkowingly confessed to being so)
and due to fact number one at the top of this entry, and to the fact that he was referring to sexual sins of the mind (which, as i have said, am guilty of) i let him think that his presumption was true.
and due to fact number two on the top of this entry, i began to think it true myself.
so, for the last few days i have been mopping around not wanting to be gay, but thinking i am. trying to find a way to tell my parents and such.
that is, until yesterday, when i caught myself drooling over an attractive young lady walking across the street.
oh yes, i am most definitly straight.
which is good to know.
i dont even like hanging around guys.
side note:
this entry is not meant to be demeaning of the person mentioned. i still highly respect this individual inspite of his wrong speculation.
likewise, this entry was not intended to mock those who are in the gay lifestyle. the discussion of whether or not homosexuality is wrong is a discussion i'd rather not have.
3:27 p.m. - 2003-08-20
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