(deep sigh)
you ever feel like life is futile?
as if nothing you do matters at all?
last night at the poetry reading i host i was visited (bombarded, invaded?) by these professional performance poets.
you know, the poets that dont have to have real jobs.
the people that get paid to close their eyes, talk smoothly, and wave their hands around like a rapstar.
yeah, they came to my humble open mic.
at first i felt very insecure.
after all, i have only been writing poetry for a little under a year.
i'm only hosting a poetry night because the last host quit without notice, and i was the only one available for the job.
and i knew that it is much more obvious that you dont know what your doing when in the presence of someone who does.
so i was nervous.
until they read.
it wasnt that they werent impressive, they were good poets.
real good poets.
its just as i sat there listening i couldnt help but think, is this it?
is this what i am working towards, my artistic goal?
it just seemed so pointless.
even if one writes a poem about something important, like the war, of drugs or something it is still meaningless.
it doesnt change anything.
poets and artists are always screaming for us to break out of the box and live outside of the norm.
but the only ones that do that are other poets and artists.
and they made that decision on their own.
i feel like a child who works hard to learn to speak, only to find he has nothing to say.
i am having a hard time finding something of substance.
everything i've lived for has turned to water in my hands.
2:54 p.m. - 2003-07-30
Recent entries:
Awake in My Tiny Cage - 2014-11-03
God. - 2014-10-27
I remember me. - 2014-10-17
The Paper - 2014-10-13
A Post About Not Doing Anything - 2014-10-12
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