God:Ryan daily I hear you pain. I feel your sadness grow out of a wounded heart. you feel as though i am not around and i dont feel your pain. Ryan I am God. its not like i dont hear you its not like I am not around every day. you have sat in My word. you know My teachings. but it seems as though you have lost a connection between what you know and how you live it. Ryan there is nothing i cant do. The pain you feel inside I can take it away. but it seems as though whenever you try to grow close to me you hold back yourself.
me: well, i am holding myself back because of all the times that i cried until i couldnt cry anymore, calling out to you for some kind of answer that i never recieved.
i am holding myself back because thats human nature and until you deliver me from that there is nothing i can do about it.
i hold back because i am afraid of falling into the same religious bigotry i was in before. i will not be a legalistic, self rightous, hypocrite anymore, and once again, until you show me how to live for you without falling into that there is nothing i can do.
God: (silence)
hopefully to be continued
6:46 p.m. - 2003-04-24
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