I am not a fan of Christmas. I'm like Scrooge, but if Scrooge realized that he could just ignore the holiday altogether. Actively hating something takes a lot of energy and always motivates people to convince you that Christmas is actually important and all you need is to just open your heart up.
But at this stage in my life, Christmas is simply painful. It makes me deeply lonely, especially when I am crashing some other family's holiday and am the reason that they can't play a certain game because I am the odd one out.
It also hits me with the religious trauma shit. Part of me still really wants to believe in Christianity and part of me feels guilty for not being able to do so.
But then another part of me recognizes Christmas as just a modern version of an ancient pagan ritual. It's not that we added some pagan elements to Christmas (like the Christmas tree and yule log, etc), what we really did was add some Christian elements to a very old feast celebrating the winter solstice. And I do like that. It reminds me that we are human and that humans have changed only slightly these last 6,000 years.
So if we were celebrating Saturnalia, I would be in. Shit, if Christmas had more orgies, I would have a different opinion of it altogether.
But we don't.
Christmas is the weird mix of Christian piety and capitalism at its most crass and cynical. And that just doesn't feel good to me. So thanks for the invite, everyone, but I am going to stay home.
All of this is a digression.
Because what I actually came on here to say was that yesterday I had a really wonderful Christmas.
I drove down to my brother's house mostly because I haven't seen him or his wife in a few months and I know that I probably won't see them very much at all once I leave on my trip.
He lives in an earthship way out in the country. It takes two dirt roads to get there. There were wild turkeys in the front yard when I arrived.
My brother's neighbor, a retired but apparently once famous landscaper who now runs a non-profit that rescues and cares for baby deer, built a an ice-skating rink on his property. It was beautiful. Hand chopped cedar making the perimeter wall, a stone fire pit right along side the rink. He is building a bar too.
So we skated for hours, the rescued fawns (as well as some fairly big bucks that remember this place as a good place to get food) watching us. Nothing but the Colorado wilderness around us.
Then we got high and ate some ham and navy bean stew, had a brief speakerphone conversation with our parents, and I was back on my way home.
It was simple and quiet. No gifts exchanged. Just a nice day in the cold fresh air.
That's the kind of Christmas I can get behind.
5:04 a.m. - 2017-12-26
Recent entries:
Don't Bother Reading My Last Post. It Was Just a Bunch of Whining. - 2018-01-10
Fuck me in the fucking face - 2018-01-09
Breaking Free - 2018-01-04
Alone. - 2018-01-03
Moving Out - 2017-12-31
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