There was a lady that I was having sex with all summer who really wants to start having sex with me again.
And I don't know what to do.
That's probably a lie. I probably do know what to do.
I ended it with her because she kept pressing me to open up more.
I ended it with her because she opened up so much to me.
The relationship wasn't headed anywhere and we both knew it. It was just sex and that's totally fine.
But those kinds of relationships have to end at some point. My experience has shown that no-strings-attached relationships are not sustainable in the long run.
They are meant to be short and light and fun. When they stop becoming those things, they need to end.
I've heard people say that you should stop when one of you starts catching feelings.
But that's dumb.
You should never have sex with someone that you don't have feelings for.
We had feelings for each other. We had a strong connection.
The sex was great.
But I just don't think that I can have casual sex with someone that I am also opening up to emotionally.
Then it really feels like it is becoming a real relationship.
And a real relationship is just not logistically feasible right now for us.
And she is opening up to me. I think I am the only one who knows of her depression. Maybe her sister. But still, I am one of the only people she can confide in right now.
And I worry that sex will complicate that and take it away from her.
Maybe I am overthinking it. Hell, I know I am overthinking it.
But that doesn't mean I'm wrong.
Last night, we sent each other dirty texts and pictures.
I told her I wasn't ready to have sex with her again.
But then I directly contradicted that by telling her how much I wanted to fuck her.
We will see each other tomorrow. We work together. One of the many reasons why we shouldn't do what we are both thinking about doing again.
Fuck.
I don't want to hurt her. I don't want to hurt me.
I don't want to lead her on.
But I do miss the touch of a pretty girl.I do miss being wanted.
That's probably not enough of a reason.
1:10 p.m. - 2015-10-10
Recent entries:
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I was going to write an update, but decided at the last minute not to - 2015-11-02
Literally just a ramble of thoughts with no particular theme or direction - 2015-10-30
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Confession - 2015-10-15
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