I want to write something or other about how America is a sickness.
Unsustainable culture of shallow consumerism,
A fallen empire with oblivious citizens, etc.
But that's probably because I just came from the mall.
I am a bit bored and lonely and uncertain. I've got nothing to do now.
No real social connections.
I see my girlfriend a couple of times a week for a few hours at a time.
And that's about it for me.
That's pretty much the entirety of my social interaction.
People have stopped asking me to do things because I have long ago stopped agreeing to go.
I am sure I could phone someone up, but who? And to do what?
I have fought the impulse all day, but I know that as soon as I start typing this up I will give in.
I'll smoke some weed, eat a pizza and watch a movie I've probably already seen dozens of times.
C'est la vie.
But is it?
Is this life?
Both yesterday and today I forced myself out of the house and found myself longing to connect with a human being.
I would go somewhere and be a part of something. I would experience life.
But there is nothing out there.
Malls
Movie theaters
Shopping centers
bars
dance halls
museums
They all contain a certain kind of emptiness to them.
They don't invite connection with strangers.
Especially since I am not trying to get laid.
What is a guy to do when he just wants to interact with a human for a while?
I have never been good at this stuff.
This socializing bullshit.
I tried it often in my twenties, I would go out, go to things, parties, soirees, concerts, events.
But I would never really talk to anyone.
I could never really figure out how to.
Now that I am older, I just stay in.
School and my chronic pain are good excuses for that, but they are just that:
excuses.
I am rambling.
I need to stop.
Even I won't read this nonsense.
5:01 p.m. - 2013-12-18
Recent entries:
Awake in My Tiny Cage - 2014-11-03
God. - 2014-10-27
I remember me. - 2014-10-17
The Paper - 2014-10-13
A Post About Not Doing Anything - 2014-10-12
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