yesterday my horoscope told me to vanish and not talk to anyone.
ah, dear horoscope, i will never doubt you again.
its not that people suck as much as it is that i suck around people.
or maybe thats not it at all.
there are at least two sides to every story. in this case, there are two or three sides on my side alone.
i saw the ex yesterday.
in the course of eight hours we:
got back together.
broke up.
got back together,
and then broke up again.
i am the largest of all the donkey orifices alive.
do motives matter when actions send so clear a message?
i know that in my head everything i did was sincere. i didnt lie at all.
but even i can tell that on the outside i look just a manipulitive man child who just wanted to take advantage of a girl's feelings.
was that it? was i just lonely and looking to score?
i am afraid to answer myself.
this is what i will acknowledge. i have never been as hopeless. never wanted to die as badly as i did last night.
during the hour or so that we were a couple again. i kept saying how love doesnt work. how all i am is a tool to shatter hearts. i told her that she liked me too much. i couldnt take love i knew i didnt deserve.
but i did. i took it and smashed it. apparently just because i could.
i hate being a man.
rather, i hate enjoying those things that i despise in men.
all my talk of being progressive goes down the toilet when a little pheremons cross my path.
i suck.
more drinks for me.
10:47 a.m. - 2005-06-23
Recent entries:
Awake in My Tiny Cage - 2014-11-03
God. - 2014-10-27
I remember me. - 2014-10-17
The Paper - 2014-10-13
A Post About Not Doing Anything - 2014-10-12
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